The Walk of Faith

This summer, I am reading through Steve Shadrach's The God Ask and working through the support development devotional in the back of the book. It's only Day One, and God is already pressing His finger down on parts of my character that He wants to work on. He's persistent, that's for sure.

Today, the devotional asked, "What uncertainties do you have? Ask God to guide you over these perceived obstacles."

Uncertainties? Uh... yes! Oh boy, Steve, you unleashed the beast with this one.

But first, don't get me wrong, I believe that support development is biblical, and that it is a ministry that God has called me to in addition to the campus. I have seen God work so much in and through my partners. I have seen incredible stories of people giving sacrificially, and God using my story to inspire others. I love praying for them and sharing what God is doing in my ministry so that they too can pray. I wouldn't give up support development for a salary. I would only do so if God called me to do something else.

But I still have worries. I still fear the unknown. I still struggle believing that I can live this way for the long haul. I fear that 100% will always be elusive, that support will be a battle to fight for the rest of my life. And to be honest, I'm tired. I want this to be easy. I want to be comfortable. I want to live in peace, not fight a war.

After pouring out my worries before the Lord in my journal (I wrote quite a bit more, but I'll spare you the details!), I read the Scripture that went along with the devotional:

"...for we walk by faith not by sight..."

(2 Corinthians 5:7)

That's it. Just eight words to combat my long list of worries. Just one abnormally short verse to address the diverse spectrum of my uncertainties. That's it, God? Really?

He responded to me first with silence. But I could practically see the raised eyebrow and knowing look on His face. That look spoke volumes.

Yes, really, Madison.

Ok, so you're saying, trust You, and lean not on my own understanding. Trust You in all that I do, and You will be faithful. But, to be honest, this truth feels superficial in comparison to the deep uncertainties I am carrying. Yes, that's all fine and dandy, God, but this life is hard. Being sustained by support is hard. Living like this for a long time is going to be hard. I can live by faith for a season, but eventually, I want to move on to the comfortable life. Eventually, I want security. Eventually, I want to "make it." Eventually, I want my walk with You to be easy.

I heard Him laugh softly.

I did not say faith was easy, my daughter. It is hard to be sure, but I have called you to live by it. Not just now, not just in support, but for the rest of your life.

At first, this was not comforting. For the rest of my life? That's a hard pill to swallow.

But the wheels in my head started turning. God knows that it is hard to walk a path that I cannot see. He is not a distant Father, expecting me to easily stroll though the obstacles of this life without fear, worry, or doubt. He came to this world Himself, and He carried the same burdens that weigh me down. God's soft whisper silenced the roar of my fears: I know that it's hard. I've walked that path. And now, I am walking it with you.

Before Jesus sent the disciples out, He warned them of the troubles they will face. People will deliver you before the courts, flog you, and drag you before the rulers to bear witness to My Name. You will be betrayed by your closest friends and family, and you will be persecuted and put to death. The people hated Me, so also will you be hated by all because of Me. But, "the one who endures until the end will be saved" (Matthew 10:22b).

We carry that same legacy as Christians. If we claim to follow Christ, then we can expect these same things, these hard things. We can expect to be hated, persecuted, beaten, betrayed, and even put to death. As a result of our hardships, others will tell us to "curse God and die," just as they told Job. The trials and the voices will tempt us to doubt God's goodness and faithfulness. They will tempt us to doubt that He loves us.

With these temptations, each step becomes heavy. Each step is blind to what it might encounter. Each step forward is countered by a thousand thoughts screaming to turn back. With each step forward, you wonder, will this be the last one? Is the end near? But then you take another. And another. And then you start to realize, there is no end. There are always more steps.

But the one who endures until the end will be saved.

You see, faith is a journey, not a one-time experience. It is a manner of traveling, not a season of life. It is like breathing - you don't have a choice. You must exercise it. If you chose to follow Christ, this is the life you chose for yourself. A life of uncertainties. A life of unseen paths. A life of trials. A life of difficulties. But at the end of it all, it is a life that says in every circumstance, good or bad, "Jesus, I trust You."

Saving faith is sustained faith. It doesn't end when you choose to accept Christ at the moment you first believed. God will always give you more steps to take. There is no arriving. There is no end in this life. You can expect to walk by faith until the day you die or the day Christ returns. You must learn to endure until the end.

So, embrace the journey. The best stories are the ones with the greatest trials, the most impossible circumstances, the most profound changes in character. God is the Author of Life. He is writing the greatest story ever told, and He has chosen you to be a part of it. But just as characters in great stories must journey through dark paths, you too can be confident that your walk will not be easy.

God will not allow you to be comfortable. He will not allow you to squander your life with easy living. He will not let you settle for playing in the mud when He was prepared paradise for you. He has much too great of a story to tell, and He has much too glorious of a work to accomplish in you. Don't be scared. The path God has set before you is indeed too much for you to handle, but He will carry you each step of the way.

For me, in this season, this means that I will endure in my support development. There is no guarantee of stability. There is no guarantee that I will stay at 100% support without a hiccup. There is no guarantee that this potentially lifelong journey of raising support will be easy. In fact, I can expect it to be hard.

But  I will continue the two-thousand-year legacy of living by faith that has been passed down to me by my brothers and sisters in Christ. I will continue to take the heavy steps of faith, knowing that God carries me and that He understands the weight of this life. I will press on each day, trudging along, knowing that each step forward means that I am but one closer to my ultimate goal: eternity with my Savior.

For that, I will endure.

Blessings,

Maddie

He is Near

"And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us..."

Acts 17:26-27

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Too Near to be Coincidence

Do you ever have those moments where God does something so miraculous that you can't possibly take credit for the outcome? A time where your abilities and talents were so insufficient that God had to intervene on your behalf? A situation where so many moments and details aligned too perfectly to attribute it simply to chance?

I love these moments. I love unexplainable coincidences. I love perfect timing. I love intricately woven details that fit together effortlessly, collectively telling God's grand story. He is a master Author, a flawless Painter, a perfect Sculptor, using us - His small works-in-progess - to create a masterpiece of a story.

Yet, most of all, I love that these experiences show us that God intervenes our lives - today. He cares too much to remain at a distance, watching His children stumble around in darkness and chaos, unable to find the light. He delights redirecting us and guiding us - the characters in His story. He cherishes putting trials in front of us that test our character - challenging it and refining it.

God is not content to be far off. He desires to be near. And even more so, God desires to demonstrate His nearness to us -  His sinful but redeemed people.


Too Miraculous to be Ordinary

As a child, and even into my teenage years, I was a painfully shy person. I never initiated conversations with my peers. Adults scared the living daylights out of me. I hardly ever opened my life up to people outside of my family. When I switched elementary schools between 3rd and 4th grade, I would play sick multiple times a week to escape the trauma of making friends. Eventually, the nurses caught on, picked a girl from my class, brought her to me, and told me, "Here. This is Michelle. She can be your friend. It's time for you to learn to stay in school."

Public speaking terrified me. I was always the last to volunteer to give presentations in class in high school. I would try to volunteer to go first, to will myself to just get up and get it out of the way. But, inevitably, I was always the last to speak, and even more depressing, my presentations were awkward and painful to watch.

In college, classes that required participation were my downfall. I hated the professors that demanded I share my opinions. I willingly took lower grades in courses if it meant I could avoid speaking up in class. I was paralyzed by silence, too afraid to say something that someone could challenge, too scared to possibly be wrong in front of so many eyewitnesses. I wanted to keep myself locked away and safe where no one could see my flaws. I wanted to remain hidden, an invisible wallflower.

I forget that this used to be me, the person I was before God called me and made me His own, before He changed me. I forget that public speaking used to provoke me to fear. I forget that making new friends was a skill completely foreign to me. I forget that I was so terrified of being vulnerable and risking people seeing my flaws and my brokenness.

I forget these things because today, I stood in front of thirty people and spoke, not of far off things, things that were impersonal. No, I stood in front of thirty strangers and handed my heart to them. I revealed my deepest passions and some of my greatest pains.

And although I stood before this crowd completely exposed, I did not encounter fear but found complete peace. Today, the sufficiency of Christ was made perfect in my weakness.

I can only attribute this to God. Today, His Holy Spirit removed me from the equation and anointed me with His words to speak. How else can you explain how a shy person can confidently stand before strangers with her heart on her sleeve proclaiming the goodness of God?

God intervened to change me. He challenged me to the core of my character. He spoke through me by His great power and grace.

All in all, God drew near to me to make a miracle happen. In a great act of love, He drew near and transformed me.


Too Connected to be Chance

If this transformation isn't enough to point to the glory of God, then the rippling effect of His work most certainly can.

I spoke my story today, and my single story spoke in countless ways to its hearers.

I spoke of being a recent psychology graduate. Two women came to me saying that they have daughters who recently graduated as psychology majors, and they felt as though they could adopt me as their own.

I spoke of being a campus missionary. A woman approached me saying that her husband works at a university here in the Valley and that they have been looking for a way to connect and serve college students. She now is excited to plug in to volunteer with our ministry to reach students with the gospel.

I spoke of dozens of college students coming hungry for the Word on Thursday nights. A woman came to me feeling called to provide a home-cooked meal for our students on a Thursday so that they can be fed physically as well as spiritually.

I shared the story of my friend who shared the gospel with me and how the reason she herself became a Christian was because, as a nonbeliever, she started dating a believer. A mother walked up to me saying that her daughter started dating a non-Christian. She is now completely confident that God is going to save this boy.

I spoke of how the vast majority of Christians leave the faith during their college years. A mother approached me saying that her son was, sadly, a member of this statistic. She has hope that someday he will be a part of the few that return.

I shared my testimony of how God saved me and how He called me to full-time ministry. A young woman approached me with wide eyes, shocked that everything I shared resonated with her own life. We have plans to meet, so I can hear and be encouraged by her story too.

I spoke that following Christ means surrendering everything you are to become like Him. A young mother came to me saying that she wants her 11-year-old son to meet me, so he can see what real Christianity looks like and that he too would be inspired to be radically obedient to Christ in his own life.


These are but some of the moments I experienced today. My single story sparked thousands of others to connect with my own. They are perfectly timed, skillfully woven details that together tell a grander story.

They tell us that God is near to all of us. These intricately strung together stories could only be made possible if God came down from His throne to intervene in our lives. He showed up in a very real way in these moments ordained and planned only by Him.

Today, God showed me how involved He chooses to be in my life. In all of these stories and in all of the transformation performed in my life, God demonstrated His nearness. And in his nearness, God proved just how much He loves me - loves all of us as His beloved, adopted children. He loves us enough to come near to each one of us.

He is good, my friends. So, incredibly good. His ways are higher than all of us. Never forget that He is near.



Many blessings,


Maddie

"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you."

James 4:8

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His Blood on Your Hands

This man (Joseph) went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus. Then he took it down and wrapped it in a linen shroud and laid him in a tomb cut in stone, where no one had ever yet been laid.

Luke 23:52-53

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Can you imagine being the person to take Jesus's body off of the cross?

Stop and think for a second about how Jesus died.

Jesus wasn't a man who went peacefully in the night. People didn't wake up one morning to find him motionless in his bed, appearing as though he were still asleep. He wasn't admitted to a hospital months in advance, so that his loved ones could anticipate his passing. He didn't have a heart attack or a stroke or cancer. Jesus did not die of natural causes.

No, Jesus was murdered.

A Violent Death

One of his disciples - one of his friends - betrayed him and turned him into the authorities. He was led away by men who mocked and beat him, blindfolding him and demanding that he prophecy and declare which one of them had struck him. They clothed him in a purple robe and forced a crown of thorns on his head as they mockingly saluted him, "Hail King of the Jews!"

After being whipped and beaten to a bloody pulp, they made him carry a cross - the very instrument that in a few hours would kill him. When they made it to Golgotha, the place where he would die, they took a hammer and drove seven-inch-long nails into his hands and feet. He hung on that cross, blood dripping from his head, his hands, his feet, every inch of his body where they had whipped and beat him, for six long hours before he finally suffocated to death.

And now, this man, Joseph, a good and righteous person who did not consent to this murder, stumbles upon this scene and chooses to deal with the aftermath of it all.

He didn't walk up and find a peaceful, sleeping Jesus. He didn't walk up to a hospital bed or into a home to find a clean, untouched body. No, he walked up to a broken and mangled corpse hanging on a tree. Every gash on his body, each nail that pierced him, every thorn sticking out of his skull, every drop of blood that trickled onto the ground, screamed of a violent death. Joseph walked up and found a lifeless, bloody mess, nearly irrecognizable as the Messiah, the Savior, God's Anointed. 

Can You Imagine?

Can you imagine being this man? Can you imagine stepping through puddles of Jesus' blood just to get to his broken body? Can you imagine pulling the rusty nails out of the flesh of his hands and feet? Can you imagine prying the thorns out of his head while looking at his face still set in pain? Can you imagine holding a red stained cloth as you washed the blood off of his body? Can you imagine looking down at your hands stained red with the blood of an innocent man? And not just any innocent man's blood: Joseph had God's blood on his hands.

I can't fathom being this man. Once upon a time, I wanted to be a doctor, but then I discovered that I feel faint just at the thought of blood, so that dream quickly died. I can't even stand the sight of my own blood when I nick a finger, so the idea of looking at Jesus's lifeless body, let alone sinking my hands in his blood while taking him off of the cross, makes me feel faint. I cringe just at the thought of it.

I put myself in Joseph's place to try to imagine what it must have been like, what thoughts must have gone through his head, what it must have felt like to clean up the aftermath of this torture. I picture myself kneeling over Jesus's body, tears falling and mixing with his blood. I see myself resisting the urge to throw up at the smell. I see myself with that cloth in my hand, hesitating because I don't even know where to begin. I imagine wiping over the deep cuts and wounds covering his body, feeling the beat of each one on my own back. I imagine stopping to look down at my hands covered in his blood, remembering that it was I who abandoned him, my King, at his darkest hour. I hear the guilty thought screaming in my head, loud and clear.

This is blood that I spilled.

I imagine Joseph being alone for some time because of that thought alone, permeating through the Israelites, Jesus's own people. They had either shouted for him to be crucified, ran away from the scene, or denied even knowing him. There was guilt in their hearts.

Jesus died a gruesome death, and it happened because those whom he came to serve put him on that cross. His blood was all over their hands.


Endless Grace

After Jesus rose from the dead and was taken up into Heaven, Peter stood before the people and delivered a profound sermon, so powerful that by the end, 3,000 were saved. In it, he brutally reminds the people of the part they played in the death of Jesus.

"Men of Israel, hear these words: Jesus of Nazareth, a man attested to you by God with mighty works and wonders and signs that God did through him in your midst, as you yourselves know - this Jesus, delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men."

(Acts 2:22-23, emphasis added)

The Jews crucified and killed Jesus, even though he performed mighty works during his ministry, making it clear that he was God's Messiah. They mocked him, spat on him, and beat him. They allowed a guilty man to escape with his life while a sinless servant was hung on a tree. They were guilty of murder. His blood was on their hands.

Understanding this, they were "cut to the heart." Desperate and convicted of their sin, they asked Peter, "What shall we do?"

I'm sure Peter couldn't wait to deliver this glorious news.

"Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." (v. 38)

The people of Israel had killed God's own Son, but if they would repent, then the atoning sacrifice of Christ would wash them white as snow. Even this is forgivable in the eyes of God.

Isn't this great news?

Murder. Abandonment. Denial. Fear. Betrayal. Mocking. Spitting. Beating. If all of these things can be forgiven, even when done to God Himself, what makes you think that your sin is beyond forgiveness?

Believe me, it's not.

No matter how far you've fallen, no matter who you've hurt, no matter what you've said, no matter what has been done to you, no matter how long it's been happening, no matter how deep you're caught in it, no matter how much it hurts - nothing is beyond the forgiveness of God.

You might feel unforgivable, but God doesn't see you as such. Even though His blood drips from your hands, He is ready to wipe them clean with forgiveness. He has already showed that it's possible.

Will you turn to him, my friend? Maybe it's for the first time. Maybe it's for the thousandth time. We never escape the need for repentance. But praise Him that His mercies know no end. Praise Him that His grace is an ocean we're sinking in. Praise Him that He loves us.

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"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died - more than that, who was raised - who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? [...] No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:31-35, 37-39

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Music

Suffering Servant by Dustin Kensrue

Man of Sorrows by Hillsong

Oh God by Citizens