Discipline

If there was one word that has always described me, it would be procrastinator.

I was the kid in high school that would be scribbling away to finish an assignment minutes before the bell rang. I hated coming home to do more work after school, especially after three hour long water polo practices immediately after six hours of class. I would come home, eat, and shower, and by that time, it would already be close to 8pm. I was tired, and my bed was calling me from afar to sink into its pillows. I always told myself that I could just go to bed early and finish my work in the morning. So, I listened to my bed every night and drifted off to sleep, leaving the stress of piles of homework for when I woke up the next day.

I have lots of fond memories waking up at 4 in the morning to finish homework or driving to school early to sit in my car in the parking lot to finish annotating my AP Literature books. No one would ever believe that I was a straight A student by looking at my study habits. It was truly a miracle that I did so well.

I thrive under pressure. I need a time constraints in order to motivate myself to get something done. Just today, I had a paper due for one of my seminary classes. I just barely started it last night and ending up doing a majority of it today just hours before class.

Clearly, old habits die hard.

I've always known that I've struggled with putting things off to the last minute. Homework, cleaning my room, doing the dishes, emailing, responding to text messages, running errands. I'm guilty of putting almost nearly every unpleasant thing off for some amount of time. I've always simply called it procrastination, but God is beginning to reveal to me that a deeper issue is at work here.

Have you ever heard of the Marshmallow Experiment? If you haven't, take a moment and watch this video. If you have, take a moment and watch this video anyways because these kids will put a smile on your face.

So the test is this. You start with one marshmallow. You can choose to eat the marshmallow now, or you can wait fifteen minutes and get two marshmallows.

This may not seem that difficult to people over the age of 8, but for these young kids, this is hard. A sugary treat is very enticing, especially when there are no adults around to tell them not to eat it. They stare at it from every angle imaginable. They pick it up and play with it. They smell it and lick it. And sadly, for some, the marshmallow is just too good to look at, so they shove it in their mouths without a second thought.

This study done here explores the idea of delay of gratification. Some kids were able to postpone immediate pleasure of the one marshmallow for the greater reward of two marshmallows. Others were not so self-controlled. After following up with these kids as teenagers and young adults, this study found that the kids that were able to wait for the greater reward:

• had higher SAT scores,
• were better able to cope with stress, 
• were less likely to make impulsive decisions, 
• were less likely to have drug problems, 
• were less likely to get divorced, and 
• were less likely to be overweight.

It turns out the payoffs were greater than just earning an extra marshmallow.

We see this same principle applied in the Bible when Esau sells his birthright to his brother, Jacob.

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"Once when Jacob was cooking stew, Esau came in from the field, and he was exhausted. And Esau said to Jacob, 'Let me eat some of that red stew, for I am exhausted!' (Therefore his name was called Edom.) Jacob said, 'Sell me your birthright now.' Esau said, 'I am about to die; of what use is a birthright to me?' Jacob said, 'Swear to me now.' So he swore to him and sold his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew, and he ate and drank and rose and went his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright."

Genesis 25:29-34

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Esau was hungry. In his moment of weakness, the stew that was looming in front of him was more enticing than maintaining his firstborn status. God made a covenant with Abraham to redeem the whole world through him and his descendants, and as the firstborn, Esau was a natural heir to this promise. However, he gave up this greater future blessing in favor of the immediate gratification of filling his stomach.

The book of Hebrews further elaborates on Esau's poor decision:

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"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears."

Hebrews 12:15-17

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God calls Esau unholy in his actions. His inability to postpone immediate gratification was displeasing in the eyes of the Lord. Later, Esau wanted this blessing, but it was too late. God refused to give it to him because he had so carelessly given it up for food. Even though Esau mourned and wept for it to be given back to him, he was rejected. He missed out on the incredible blessing of being a part of God's plan for redeeming the world because his stomach was growling. 

Yikes. 

I wonder if I'm really so different than Esau. When I procrastinate on homework, I take the immediate reward of sleep, food, social media, Netflix, or hanging out with friends in favor of saving myself a lot of stress and being a good steward of my time. I always choose to reap the tangible benefits instead of choosing to honor God with my time and efforts. I wonder if I am missing out on a greater blessing that God wants to offer me because I'm always thinking of filling my stomach.

I don't think this just applies to procrastination either. How much do we miss when we choose to watch that episode of Lost instead of spending time in God's Word? How much do we miss when we choose to gossip and complain to our friends instead of taking our concerns to God in prayer? How much do we miss out when we choose to pursue a career that promises riches instead of submitting to God's purpose for our lives? How much do we miss out when we choose spiritual complacency over passionate pursuit of Christ?

Suddenly, we become the child holding the marshmallow. We lick it, smell it, and finally shove it in our mouths and give up the promise of a greater reward. But the greater reward in this case isn't as petty as a second marshmallow. We give up the reward of intimacy with our Father and the blessing of being able to be a part of His redemptive plans for the world.

That's a lot to give up, my friends.

Hebrews 12:11 says this, "For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."

In the moment, it is hard to give up our temptations in favor of being disciplined. God even says this resistance is painful. However, the temporary pain and struggle is worth it. It yields righteousness. It yields holiness. It yields peace. It yields deeper intimacy with God because we have to depend on His strength to resist our momentary temptations.

I would say these are much greater blessings, wouldn't you?

Discipline not only bears fruit. It also reminds us of a very important spiritual truth. It reminds us that God loves us.

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"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline 
or be weary of his reproof, 
for the LORD reproves whom he loves, 
as a father the son in whom he delights."

Proverbs 3:11-12
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God disciplines us because we are His children. He disciplines us because He wants better things for us than the things that we chase after. He wants to mold and shape our character to reflect Him more. He does this because it is what is best for us. He does this because He loves us.

I'm tired of choosing one marshmallow over two. I'm sick of filling my stomach in favor of God's blessings for me. I'm done lacking discipline and self-control. I want God's best for me, not my own fleeting desires.

Father, hear my prayer. Help me to be disciplined in all that I do. Help me to be obedient to your desires for my life. Help me to see that the pain is worth the reward.

I want Your best for me.

And the best is You, Jesus.

Blessings,

Maddie

An Adventure

I don't have much to say. I mostly just don't like blank space.

I think this feeling was much of the same feeling I was having about my life before now.

All through college, I had no clear vision about what I was going to do with my life. Sure, I bounced from idea to idea, but nothing stuck.

Doctor?

Counselor?

Social worker?

A homeless bum living on the beaches of California?

Yes, that last one had a nice ring to it. 

Even as I was walking across the stage in front of thousands of eyes to receive my diploma, I had no plan, no direction, no story waiting to be told.

My life was an empty book so eager to fill its pages with words, but my Author was strangely silent. I knew that the pen was hovering over my blank pages, but He was hesitating to write a single letter. I started to fear, and I got angry.

"You said if I followed You, you would give me plans. You promised me an adventure. You said that You wanted to use my life for something great. Here I am, ready. What are you waiting for?"

A small voice whispered to me in the silence.

Wait.

"I have been. I have been patient. I've graduated. I have the college degree. That means it's time for life to begin. You promised me greater things that this minimum wage job I'm working."

Not exactly.

"Jeremiah 29:11, 'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.' What about that?"

I have already given it to you.

"I'm not seeing what You're seeing."

I promised you Myself. And I have given you Myself. I am all you need.

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The conviction.

I stopped fighting at that point. I stopped talking back to my Father and started to look at things from His perspective. Yes, my life was less than glamorous. I was using my brand new degree to work a part-time minimum wage job at the child care center of a gym. A high-school student was more than qualified to do my job. 

But God had blessed me with a job. Period. And more importantly, He had blessed me with free time to be able to seek Him. The promise was Him.

This past spring, I spent my time working a mere 15 hours a week to earn just enough money to get by. 

But by sacrificing my pride, I gained so much more.

I dove into the Word, and my prayer life exploded.

I had time to go to multiple bible studies, where older believers poured into me and taught me so many things that I can't even begin to name them.

I met with two older women at my church, who chose to invest in my life and desired that I grow to be more like Christ.

I continued serve with the college ministry that had served me for the past year and went deeper with my brothers and sisters in Christ than I ever thought possible.

I served at a kids' camp and a youth camp this summer and prayed with a girl to give her life away to Christ. I saw God use me to the point of exhaustion, and I can confidently say because of my weakness that all of the glory goes to Him.

I fell more in love with children while working at my job. From drooling babies to snotty preteens and everything in between - I fell in love with them all. I learned so much about how to be a mom and just how much I am not ready to be one yet. But I know now that the title "Mommy" will be mine someday.

I moved into an apartment with one of my best friends, and now I am living with a fellow believer for the first time in my life. I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing it is to come home to a like-minded spirit. I loved her before, and I love her so much more now.

Most of all, I fell more in love with Jesus because I finally had time to spend with Him. There were days where I had nothing to do but be with Him. There were other days where I was so busy watching Him work that I couldn't help but worship Him. There were days of laughter, days of tears, days of mountains being moved, and days of silence, but everyday, I was drowning in Him. And I realized that was what I wanted for my life: to drown in Him daily.

When God made me realize that He is the promise, the plan, and the future I was longing for, that was when my life began. I stopped looking for careers where I could bring Him along and started looking for places to join in where He was already at work. And while all of this was happening, He turned my life upside down.

In the midst of this realization, God opened up a position as a campus missionary at the college ministry that He had planted me in my senior year. I couldn't believe it. I was so humbled and amazed that I didn't know what to say. I'm sure God smiled as I became the silent one.

I found the job I desired while not even looking for it, while not even desiring it anymore. 

And I think that's the way that He wanted it to work.

My Father knows me better than I know myself. He knew that I longed for that job more than I longed for Him. He wanted to make sure that my heart was for Him before it was for the work He had in store for me to do. He wanted me to remember that He is the promise. He is the goal. Jesus is the only One worth desiring.

Thanks to Him, my priorities are straight. 

Thanks to Him, I get to reach out to the lost freshman at ASU who are stepping into my old shoes.

Thanks to Him, I will be starting my first year of seminary in a few weeks.

Thanks to Him, I understand that these things are but blessings looming on the sidelines. The real prize is waiting in front of me, and I am running the race towards Him. Jesus.

As I break the silence, these are my words: 

Let the adventure begin.



Blessings,

Maddie