An Adventure

I don't have much to say. I mostly just don't like blank space.

I think this feeling was much of the same feeling I was having about my life before now.

All through college, I had no clear vision about what I was going to do with my life. Sure, I bounced from idea to idea, but nothing stuck.

Doctor?

Counselor?

Social worker?

A homeless bum living on the beaches of California?

Yes, that last one had a nice ring to it. 

Even as I was walking across the stage in front of thousands of eyes to receive my diploma, I had no plan, no direction, no story waiting to be told.

My life was an empty book so eager to fill its pages with words, but my Author was strangely silent. I knew that the pen was hovering over my blank pages, but He was hesitating to write a single letter. I started to fear, and I got angry.

"You said if I followed You, you would give me plans. You promised me an adventure. You said that You wanted to use my life for something great. Here I am, ready. What are you waiting for?"

A small voice whispered to me in the silence.

Wait.

"I have been. I have been patient. I've graduated. I have the college degree. That means it's time for life to begin. You promised me greater things that this minimum wage job I'm working."

Not exactly.

"Jeremiah 29:11, 'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.' What about that?"

I have already given it to you.

"I'm not seeing what You're seeing."

I promised you Myself. And I have given you Myself. I am all you need.

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The conviction.

I stopped fighting at that point. I stopped talking back to my Father and started to look at things from His perspective. Yes, my life was less than glamorous. I was using my brand new degree to work a part-time minimum wage job at the child care center of a gym. A high-school student was more than qualified to do my job. 

But God had blessed me with a job. Period. And more importantly, He had blessed me with free time to be able to seek Him. The promise was Him.

This past spring, I spent my time working a mere 15 hours a week to earn just enough money to get by. 

But by sacrificing my pride, I gained so much more.

I dove into the Word, and my prayer life exploded.

I had time to go to multiple bible studies, where older believers poured into me and taught me so many things that I can't even begin to name them.

I met with two older women at my church, who chose to invest in my life and desired that I grow to be more like Christ.

I continued serve with the college ministry that had served me for the past year and went deeper with my brothers and sisters in Christ than I ever thought possible.

I served at a kids' camp and a youth camp this summer and prayed with a girl to give her life away to Christ. I saw God use me to the point of exhaustion, and I can confidently say because of my weakness that all of the glory goes to Him.

I fell more in love with children while working at my job. From drooling babies to snotty preteens and everything in between - I fell in love with them all. I learned so much about how to be a mom and just how much I am not ready to be one yet. But I know now that the title "Mommy" will be mine someday.

I moved into an apartment with one of my best friends, and now I am living with a fellow believer for the first time in my life. I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing it is to come home to a like-minded spirit. I loved her before, and I love her so much more now.

Most of all, I fell more in love with Jesus because I finally had time to spend with Him. There were days where I had nothing to do but be with Him. There were other days where I was so busy watching Him work that I couldn't help but worship Him. There were days of laughter, days of tears, days of mountains being moved, and days of silence, but everyday, I was drowning in Him. And I realized that was what I wanted for my life: to drown in Him daily.

When God made me realize that He is the promise, the plan, and the future I was longing for, that was when my life began. I stopped looking for careers where I could bring Him along and started looking for places to join in where He was already at work. And while all of this was happening, He turned my life upside down.

In the midst of this realization, God opened up a position as a campus missionary at the college ministry that He had planted me in my senior year. I couldn't believe it. I was so humbled and amazed that I didn't know what to say. I'm sure God smiled as I became the silent one.

I found the job I desired while not even looking for it, while not even desiring it anymore. 

And I think that's the way that He wanted it to work.

My Father knows me better than I know myself. He knew that I longed for that job more than I longed for Him. He wanted to make sure that my heart was for Him before it was for the work He had in store for me to do. He wanted me to remember that He is the promise. He is the goal. Jesus is the only One worth desiring.

Thanks to Him, my priorities are straight. 

Thanks to Him, I get to reach out to the lost freshman at ASU who are stepping into my old shoes.

Thanks to Him, I will be starting my first year of seminary in a few weeks.

Thanks to Him, I understand that these things are but blessings looming on the sidelines. The real prize is waiting in front of me, and I am running the race towards Him. Jesus.

As I break the silence, these are my words: 

Let the adventure begin.



Blessings,

Maddie