The Walk of Faith

This summer, I am reading through Steve Shadrach's The God Ask and working through the support development devotional in the back of the book. It's only Day One, and God is already pressing His finger down on parts of my character that He wants to work on. He's persistent, that's for sure.

Today, the devotional asked, "What uncertainties do you have? Ask God to guide you over these perceived obstacles."

Uncertainties? Uh... yes! Oh boy, Steve, you unleashed the beast with this one.

But first, don't get me wrong, I believe that support development is biblical, and that it is a ministry that God has called me to in addition to the campus. I have seen God work so much in and through my partners. I have seen incredible stories of people giving sacrificially, and God using my story to inspire others. I love praying for them and sharing what God is doing in my ministry so that they too can pray. I wouldn't give up support development for a salary. I would only do so if God called me to do something else.

But I still have worries. I still fear the unknown. I still struggle believing that I can live this way for the long haul. I fear that 100% will always be elusive, that support will be a battle to fight for the rest of my life. And to be honest, I'm tired. I want this to be easy. I want to be comfortable. I want to live in peace, not fight a war.

After pouring out my worries before the Lord in my journal (I wrote quite a bit more, but I'll spare you the details!), I read the Scripture that went along with the devotional:

"...for we walk by faith not by sight..."

(2 Corinthians 5:7)

That's it. Just eight words to combat my long list of worries. Just one abnormally short verse to address the diverse spectrum of my uncertainties. That's it, God? Really?

He responded to me first with silence. But I could practically see the raised eyebrow and knowing look on His face. That look spoke volumes.

Yes, really, Madison.

Ok, so you're saying, trust You, and lean not on my own understanding. Trust You in all that I do, and You will be faithful. But, to be honest, this truth feels superficial in comparison to the deep uncertainties I am carrying. Yes, that's all fine and dandy, God, but this life is hard. Being sustained by support is hard. Living like this for a long time is going to be hard. I can live by faith for a season, but eventually, I want to move on to the comfortable life. Eventually, I want security. Eventually, I want to "make it." Eventually, I want my walk with You to be easy.

I heard Him laugh softly.

I did not say faith was easy, my daughter. It is hard to be sure, but I have called you to live by it. Not just now, not just in support, but for the rest of your life.

At first, this was not comforting. For the rest of my life? That's a hard pill to swallow.

But the wheels in my head started turning. God knows that it is hard to walk a path that I cannot see. He is not a distant Father, expecting me to easily stroll though the obstacles of this life without fear, worry, or doubt. He came to this world Himself, and He carried the same burdens that weigh me down. God's soft whisper silenced the roar of my fears: I know that it's hard. I've walked that path. And now, I am walking it with you.

Before Jesus sent the disciples out, He warned them of the troubles they will face. People will deliver you before the courts, flog you, and drag you before the rulers to bear witness to My Name. You will be betrayed by your closest friends and family, and you will be persecuted and put to death. The people hated Me, so also will you be hated by all because of Me. But, "the one who endures until the end will be saved" (Matthew 10:22b).

We carry that same legacy as Christians. If we claim to follow Christ, then we can expect these same things, these hard things. We can expect to be hated, persecuted, beaten, betrayed, and even put to death. As a result of our hardships, others will tell us to "curse God and die," just as they told Job. The trials and the voices will tempt us to doubt God's goodness and faithfulness. They will tempt us to doubt that He loves us.

With these temptations, each step becomes heavy. Each step is blind to what it might encounter. Each step forward is countered by a thousand thoughts screaming to turn back. With each step forward, you wonder, will this be the last one? Is the end near? But then you take another. And another. And then you start to realize, there is no end. There are always more steps.

But the one who endures until the end will be saved.

You see, faith is a journey, not a one-time experience. It is a manner of traveling, not a season of life. It is like breathing - you don't have a choice. You must exercise it. If you chose to follow Christ, this is the life you chose for yourself. A life of uncertainties. A life of unseen paths. A life of trials. A life of difficulties. But at the end of it all, it is a life that says in every circumstance, good or bad, "Jesus, I trust You."

Saving faith is sustained faith. It doesn't end when you choose to accept Christ at the moment you first believed. God will always give you more steps to take. There is no arriving. There is no end in this life. You can expect to walk by faith until the day you die or the day Christ returns. You must learn to endure until the end.

So, embrace the journey. The best stories are the ones with the greatest trials, the most impossible circumstances, the most profound changes in character. God is the Author of Life. He is writing the greatest story ever told, and He has chosen you to be a part of it. But just as characters in great stories must journey through dark paths, you too can be confident that your walk will not be easy.

God will not allow you to be comfortable. He will not allow you to squander your life with easy living. He will not let you settle for playing in the mud when He was prepared paradise for you. He has much too great of a story to tell, and He has much too glorious of a work to accomplish in you. Don't be scared. The path God has set before you is indeed too much for you to handle, but He will carry you each step of the way.

For me, in this season, this means that I will endure in my support development. There is no guarantee of stability. There is no guarantee that I will stay at 100% support without a hiccup. There is no guarantee that this potentially lifelong journey of raising support will be easy. In fact, I can expect it to be hard.

But  I will continue the two-thousand-year legacy of living by faith that has been passed down to me by my brothers and sisters in Christ. I will continue to take the heavy steps of faith, knowing that God carries me and that He understands the weight of this life. I will press on each day, trudging along, knowing that each step forward means that I am but one closer to my ultimate goal: eternity with my Savior.

For that, I will endure.

Blessings,

Maddie

He is Near

"And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us..."

Acts 17:26-27

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Too Near to be Coincidence

Do you ever have those moments where God does something so miraculous that you can't possibly take credit for the outcome? A time where your abilities and talents were so insufficient that God had to intervene on your behalf? A situation where so many moments and details aligned too perfectly to attribute it simply to chance?

I love these moments. I love unexplainable coincidences. I love perfect timing. I love intricately woven details that fit together effortlessly, collectively telling God's grand story. He is a master Author, a flawless Painter, a perfect Sculptor, using us - His small works-in-progess - to create a masterpiece of a story.

Yet, most of all, I love that these experiences show us that God intervenes our lives - today. He cares too much to remain at a distance, watching His children stumble around in darkness and chaos, unable to find the light. He delights redirecting us and guiding us - the characters in His story. He cherishes putting trials in front of us that test our character - challenging it and refining it.

God is not content to be far off. He desires to be near. And even more so, God desires to demonstrate His nearness to us -  His sinful but redeemed people.


Too Miraculous to be Ordinary

As a child, and even into my teenage years, I was a painfully shy person. I never initiated conversations with my peers. Adults scared the living daylights out of me. I hardly ever opened my life up to people outside of my family. When I switched elementary schools between 3rd and 4th grade, I would play sick multiple times a week to escape the trauma of making friends. Eventually, the nurses caught on, picked a girl from my class, brought her to me, and told me, "Here. This is Michelle. She can be your friend. It's time for you to learn to stay in school."

Public speaking terrified me. I was always the last to volunteer to give presentations in class in high school. I would try to volunteer to go first, to will myself to just get up and get it out of the way. But, inevitably, I was always the last to speak, and even more depressing, my presentations were awkward and painful to watch.

In college, classes that required participation were my downfall. I hated the professors that demanded I share my opinions. I willingly took lower grades in courses if it meant I could avoid speaking up in class. I was paralyzed by silence, too afraid to say something that someone could challenge, too scared to possibly be wrong in front of so many eyewitnesses. I wanted to keep myself locked away and safe where no one could see my flaws. I wanted to remain hidden, an invisible wallflower.

I forget that this used to be me, the person I was before God called me and made me His own, before He changed me. I forget that public speaking used to provoke me to fear. I forget that making new friends was a skill completely foreign to me. I forget that I was so terrified of being vulnerable and risking people seeing my flaws and my brokenness.

I forget these things because today, I stood in front of thirty people and spoke, not of far off things, things that were impersonal. No, I stood in front of thirty strangers and handed my heart to them. I revealed my deepest passions and some of my greatest pains.

And although I stood before this crowd completely exposed, I did not encounter fear but found complete peace. Today, the sufficiency of Christ was made perfect in my weakness.

I can only attribute this to God. Today, His Holy Spirit removed me from the equation and anointed me with His words to speak. How else can you explain how a shy person can confidently stand before strangers with her heart on her sleeve proclaiming the goodness of God?

God intervened to change me. He challenged me to the core of my character. He spoke through me by His great power and grace.

All in all, God drew near to me to make a miracle happen. In a great act of love, He drew near and transformed me.


Too Connected to be Chance

If this transformation isn't enough to point to the glory of God, then the rippling effect of His work most certainly can.

I spoke my story today, and my single story spoke in countless ways to its hearers.

I spoke of being a recent psychology graduate. Two women came to me saying that they have daughters who recently graduated as psychology majors, and they felt as though they could adopt me as their own.

I spoke of being a campus missionary. A woman approached me saying that her husband works at a university here in the Valley and that they have been looking for a way to connect and serve college students. She now is excited to plug in to volunteer with our ministry to reach students with the gospel.

I spoke of dozens of college students coming hungry for the Word on Thursday nights. A woman came to me feeling called to provide a home-cooked meal for our students on a Thursday so that they can be fed physically as well as spiritually.

I shared the story of my friend who shared the gospel with me and how the reason she herself became a Christian was because, as a nonbeliever, she started dating a believer. A mother walked up to me saying that her daughter started dating a non-Christian. She is now completely confident that God is going to save this boy.

I spoke of how the vast majority of Christians leave the faith during their college years. A mother approached me saying that her son was, sadly, a member of this statistic. She has hope that someday he will be a part of the few that return.

I shared my testimony of how God saved me and how He called me to full-time ministry. A young woman approached me with wide eyes, shocked that everything I shared resonated with her own life. We have plans to meet, so I can hear and be encouraged by her story too.

I spoke that following Christ means surrendering everything you are to become like Him. A young mother came to me saying that she wants her 11-year-old son to meet me, so he can see what real Christianity looks like and that he too would be inspired to be radically obedient to Christ in his own life.


These are but some of the moments I experienced today. My single story sparked thousands of others to connect with my own. They are perfectly timed, skillfully woven details that together tell a grander story.

They tell us that God is near to all of us. These intricately strung together stories could only be made possible if God came down from His throne to intervene in our lives. He showed up in a very real way in these moments ordained and planned only by Him.

Today, God showed me how involved He chooses to be in my life. In all of these stories and in all of the transformation performed in my life, God demonstrated His nearness. And in his nearness, God proved just how much He loves me - loves all of us as His beloved, adopted children. He loves us enough to come near to each one of us.

He is good, my friends. So, incredibly good. His ways are higher than all of us. Never forget that He is near.



Many blessings,


Maddie

"Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you."

James 4:8

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His Blood on Your Hands

This man (Joseph) went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus. Then he took it down and wrapped it in a linen shroud and laid him in a tomb cut in stone, where no one had ever yet been laid.

Luke 23:52-53

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Can you imagine being the person to take Jesus's body off of the cross?

Stop and think for a second about how Jesus died.

Jesus wasn't a man who went peacefully in the night. People didn't wake up one morning to find him motionless in his bed, appearing as though he were still asleep. He wasn't admitted to a hospital months in advance, so that his loved ones could anticipate his passing. He didn't have a heart attack or a stroke or cancer. Jesus did not die of natural causes.

No, Jesus was murdered.

A Violent Death

One of his disciples - one of his friends - betrayed him and turned him into the authorities. He was led away by men who mocked and beat him, blindfolding him and demanding that he prophecy and declare which one of them had struck him. They clothed him in a purple robe and forced a crown of thorns on his head as they mockingly saluted him, "Hail King of the Jews!"

After being whipped and beaten to a bloody pulp, they made him carry a cross - the very instrument that in a few hours would kill him. When they made it to Golgotha, the place where he would die, they took a hammer and drove seven-inch-long nails into his hands and feet. He hung on that cross, blood dripping from his head, his hands, his feet, every inch of his body where they had whipped and beat him, for six long hours before he finally suffocated to death.

And now, this man, Joseph, a good and righteous person who did not consent to this murder, stumbles upon this scene and chooses to deal with the aftermath of it all.

He didn't walk up and find a peaceful, sleeping Jesus. He didn't walk up to a hospital bed or into a home to find a clean, untouched body. No, he walked up to a broken and mangled corpse hanging on a tree. Every gash on his body, each nail that pierced him, every thorn sticking out of his skull, every drop of blood that trickled onto the ground, screamed of a violent death. Joseph walked up and found a lifeless, bloody mess, nearly irrecognizable as the Messiah, the Savior, God's Anointed. 

Can You Imagine?

Can you imagine being this man? Can you imagine stepping through puddles of Jesus' blood just to get to his broken body? Can you imagine pulling the rusty nails out of the flesh of his hands and feet? Can you imagine prying the thorns out of his head while looking at his face still set in pain? Can you imagine holding a red stained cloth as you washed the blood off of his body? Can you imagine looking down at your hands stained red with the blood of an innocent man? And not just any innocent man's blood: Joseph had God's blood on his hands.

I can't fathom being this man. Once upon a time, I wanted to be a doctor, but then I discovered that I feel faint just at the thought of blood, so that dream quickly died. I can't even stand the sight of my own blood when I nick a finger, so the idea of looking at Jesus's lifeless body, let alone sinking my hands in his blood while taking him off of the cross, makes me feel faint. I cringe just at the thought of it.

I put myself in Joseph's place to try to imagine what it must have been like, what thoughts must have gone through his head, what it must have felt like to clean up the aftermath of this torture. I picture myself kneeling over Jesus's body, tears falling and mixing with his blood. I see myself resisting the urge to throw up at the smell. I see myself with that cloth in my hand, hesitating because I don't even know where to begin. I imagine wiping over the deep cuts and wounds covering his body, feeling the beat of each one on my own back. I imagine stopping to look down at my hands covered in his blood, remembering that it was I who abandoned him, my King, at his darkest hour. I hear the guilty thought screaming in my head, loud and clear.

This is blood that I spilled.

I imagine Joseph being alone for some time because of that thought alone, permeating through the Israelites, Jesus's own people. They had either shouted for him to be crucified, ran away from the scene, or denied even knowing him. There was guilt in their hearts.

Jesus died a gruesome death, and it happened because those whom he came to serve put him on that cross. His blood was all over their hands.


Endless Grace

After Jesus rose from the dead and was taken up into Heaven, Peter stood before the people and delivered a profound sermon, so powerful that by the end, 3,000 were saved. In it, he brutally reminds the people of the part they played in the death of Jesus.

"Men of Israel, hear these words: Jesus of Nazareth, a man attested to you by God with mighty works and wonders and signs that God did through him in your midst, as you yourselves know - this Jesus, delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men."

(Acts 2:22-23, emphasis added)

The Jews crucified and killed Jesus, even though he performed mighty works during his ministry, making it clear that he was God's Messiah. They mocked him, spat on him, and beat him. They allowed a guilty man to escape with his life while a sinless servant was hung on a tree. They were guilty of murder. His blood was on their hands.

Understanding this, they were "cut to the heart." Desperate and convicted of their sin, they asked Peter, "What shall we do?"

I'm sure Peter couldn't wait to deliver this glorious news.

"Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit." (v. 38)

The people of Israel had killed God's own Son, but if they would repent, then the atoning sacrifice of Christ would wash them white as snow. Even this is forgivable in the eyes of God.

Isn't this great news?

Murder. Abandonment. Denial. Fear. Betrayal. Mocking. Spitting. Beating. If all of these things can be forgiven, even when done to God Himself, what makes you think that your sin is beyond forgiveness?

Believe me, it's not.

No matter how far you've fallen, no matter who you've hurt, no matter what you've said, no matter what has been done to you, no matter how long it's been happening, no matter how deep you're caught in it, no matter how much it hurts - nothing is beyond the forgiveness of God.

You might feel unforgivable, but God doesn't see you as such. Even though His blood drips from your hands, He is ready to wipe them clean with forgiveness. He has already showed that it's possible.

Will you turn to him, my friend? Maybe it's for the first time. Maybe it's for the thousandth time. We never escape the need for repentance. But praise Him that His mercies know no end. Praise Him that His grace is an ocean we're sinking in. Praise Him that He loves us.

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"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died - more than that, who was raised - who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? [...] No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:31-35, 37-39

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Music

Suffering Servant by Dustin Kensrue

Man of Sorrows by Hillsong

Oh God by Citizens

The Heart of the Matter

The longer I am alive, the more I am understanding that the Christian life is not one of journeying farther but of digging deeper.

When we begin our walk with God, we think that we have so much to learn. So many pages of Scripture to read. So many theological discussions to have. So many different "how-to's" to learn. We spend so much time collecting knowledge that we end up drowning in it.

I'm slowly understanding that there is only one truth. Only one important message for us to hold fast to. The endless applications of this truth only trick us into believing that there is more to learn. But at the end of the day, there is still only the one truth.

This truth is the gospel.

We have all done things to deserve death - a spiritual death - one of eternal separation from God. But Jesus Christ lived the life we could never live and died this death that we all deserve. His substitutionary death paid for our lives. The veil is torn, and nothing can separate us from enjoying a relationship with God both now and forever.

The amazing thing is that Jesus' sacrificial death is a free gift to us all.

This is grace.



Grace is something that I deeply struggle with. I see it revealed to me over and over again in God's Word, and I understand it in my head. I understand it enough to speak it into the lives of those around me, and I understand it enough to be able to show it to them as well.

But I just can't seem to extend it to myself.

The person I was before God called me out of this world was a girl who earned her identity and the love of those around her. I earned my grades in high school. I earned a starter position on the water polo team. I earned my parents love by being a good kid and doing well in school. I earned my friends by doing whatever I needed to do to please them - to get them to like me. Everything in my life was earned.

I was living in a moral economy. Do good, and you'll receive good. Do bad, and good will be stripped from you.

The message that I received from the world was this: love is earned.

But then I encountered Jesus, and He had a very different message to give to me, one that He has not stopped whispering to my heart since the first day I met Him.

He preached to me something that was radical to my soul. He told me that love is not earned, it is given.

Maddie, you can do nothing to deserve My love for you because I have given it to you freely. You have worked for everything in your life, but this is the one thing you never can and never will earn.

This blows my heart and mind, and I can't fully understand it. I feel like it is too good, so good that I can barely get a grasp on it. God loves me. Period. There is no fine print, no strings attached, no exchange rate. It is simply a gift bought for me by Jesus.

I didn't realize how much I was striving to earn God's love until I started this journey of support development. I started this journey believing that if I could just make phone calls and set up appointments that I would get to full support and be on campus full-time in a matter of months.

But I soon found that even the simplest task of making a phone call was too difficult for me. I've had a fear of the phone ever since I was a little girl. My mom would tell me that I could invite a friend over to play if I was brave enough to call them myself. I would dial all the numbers up until the last one, hesitate for a moment, and then quickly hang up. This dialing and hanging up process would go on for hours before I would finally throw in the towel and just settle for being alone than dealing with my fear.

That same fear continued throughout my life and continues today. I thought I would just get over it when starting support raising. But often, I tear up just at the idea of making a single phone call. Forget the fact that I have to make 30 every week. Just the one is enough to send me into a panic.

On top of this, I also found that although I had all the time in the world to raise support, I couldn't will myself to use my time wisely. I dread sitting down to organize my contact list. I dread sitting in front of a phone waiting to be dialed. I dread the mundane administrative tasks that go into support raising.

Netflix is much more fun. Reading a book is much more relaxing. Spending time with the Lord is more important. I'll meet a friend instead of making those phone calls. It is easy to find a long list of things that take precedence over the dreaded phone calls.

I quickly found that my ability was not going to get me fully supported. I could do nothing to earn my wages. My weaknesses and my fears were a stumbling block to my self-righteousness. I could not boast in my efforts because my lack of progress showed that I earned nothing.

For a while, this left me feeling frustrated, and even worse, it left me feeling guilty. I kept saying to myself that I should be able to do this. I should be able to organize my time better. I should be able to dial a phone. I should be able to get to full support. I should be able to do these simple things.

I felt like a horrible person, like a failure. I felt like I was letting people down: my boss, my supervisor, my friends, my mentors, my current supporters. Even worse, I felt like I was letting God down. I felt like I wasn't living up to His calling for my life and that I was failing Him in my inabilities.

As I carried the burden of this guilt, God reached down and reminded me of that single truth once again. In the midst of my guilt and shame, God preached the gospel to me.

I know that you can't do this. But I can.

And you know what I felt in that moment? Not more guilt. Not more shame. Not a greater desire to try harder or be better.

No, I felt freedom.

I felt like I could cease striving. That I could stop working. That I could stop pretending. That I could own up to my imperfections.

Because God is so good, so great, so loving, so incredible. He is all of these things for me.

I am weak, but He is strong. I am flawed, but He is perfect. My effort isn't going to get me to full support - His grace is. Just as my self-righteousness isn't going to save me - His Son is.

God is cleansing me from self-righteousness and self-sufficiency. He is leading me into depths of grace that I didn't even know existed. He is forcing me to be dependent on Him for things that I always thought I could do myself.

This isn't a new truth. It's a deeper layer of the same truth. It's an application of the gospel to another area of my life. I'm realizing that as long as God allows me to remain here on this earth, my life will be nothing but this: endlessly preaching the gospel to myself in every new situation He sets before me.

It keeps me rooted in the one truth. It keeps me remembering why I exist. It reminds me of my hope.

Him.

Jesus.



At the beginning of this journey, I thought that God was going to teach me about how to raise support, how to reach college students, how to do ministry. I thought that support was going to teach me about money, help pay the bills, help challenge others to give.

But as my best friend and roommate wisely put it today, "Support development is about the heart, not the bank account."

This whole journey hasn't been about the ministry or the support development. It has always been about my heart. These things are simply the tools in God's hands that He is using to chisel away at my sin to reveal the masterpiece that is underneath.

God is after my heart. He's after all of our hearts. He is after them to soften them, to change them, to show us just how deep His love is for us.

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:14-21

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for the freedom you have purchased for me, for all of us. Let us never stop preaching this good news to ourselves. Thank you for that one truth goes infinitely deep. Instead of drowning in knowledge, let us drown in the gospel.



Many blessings,

Maddie

Finding Ministry in Support Development

 "And you Philippians yourselves know that in the beginning of the gospel, when I left Macedonia, no church entered into partnership with me in giving and receiving, except you only. Even in Thessalonica you sent me help for my needs once and again. Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases your credit."

Philippians 4:15-17

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It has been a very crazy month to say the least.

Balancing support development, seminary, and ministry responsibilities can be tricky, especially for a procrastinator who is still learning the in's and out's of time management. Yet for whatever reason, God believes I can handle it, and I believe that He will never give me more than I can handle. That's the beauty of grace. It gives me room to stumble as I navigate learning to be more like Christ.


Support development, as always, is at the forefront of my radar. As much as I would like to, I cannot avoid it. It is necessary for me to continue to live. It pays my rent, my food, my gas, my bills. It will free me up to be able to devote myself solely to collegiate ministry and to someday be able to be on campus sharing with the gospel with students daily. If this wasn't motivating enough, I have a team of people who personally hold me accountable as I continue to strive for that elusive 105% support mark.

So, in short, I'm locked in. Whether I like it or not, this is the life that God has called me to.

It is tempting to say that support development is a "necessary evil." So many people, even the ones that do it, see it as such. It is seen as nothing more than an obstacle to overcome before you can begin the "real work" of ministry. Once you arrive at full support, then you have made it, then you can begin, then you can start walking out God's call for your life.

Others get wrapped up in the numbers. Support raising pays the bills. Support raising pays for ministry expenses. Support raising pays my salary. Support raising just allows me to survive until God calls me home.

But I think there is danger in viewing support as such. When you view it as an obstacle or a way to pay the bills, you miss out on kingdom work God wants to accomplish. I believe that there is ministry in support raising that we can miss out on if we're not careful.



Paul lived off the gifts he received from the people he ministered to. He was only a "tentmaker" at specific points in his ministry for intentional purposes. Otherwise, he received his wages from those who joyfully wanted to give to him. He believed that "the Lord commanded that those who proclaim the gospel should get their living by the gospel" (1 Corinthians 9:14).

In particular, Paul praises the Philippians for their generosity towards him. But his thankfulness is not for the gifts in of themselves. Paul does not care about the money. He has learned to be content in whatever he has:

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"...for I have learned in whatever situation, I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:11-13

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Paul didn't desire their gifts. It didn't matter if he was full or hungry. It didn't matter if he was out preaching the gospel or writing to churches in prison. In whatever situation, plenty or nothing, praise or persecution, he was content. He learned to be joyful in all circumstances through the power of the cross.

So then why is he thankful? If his concern wasn't wages or gifts, then what was it?

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"Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases to your credit."

Philippians 4:17

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He doesn't seek the gift. He seeks the evidence of people growing in their love for the Lord. He seeks the fruit that indicates that true disciples of Jesus Christ are being made. His desire is to see change happen in people's hearts.

Paul is not saying that the Philippians are earning their salvation by giving. Far from it. People are saved by the grace of God through the blood of Jesus Christ. "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God" (Ephesians 2:8). Salvation is never earned. It is given.

But the generosity of the Philippians indicates that their faith is genuine. It is evidence that they are "working out their salvation with fear and trembling" (Philippians 2:12). They were saved by grace, and their works are simply external evidence of an internal heart change.

This is the ministry of support development. When you invite someone to partner with you in your ministry, you challenge them to step out in faith to give beyond what they believe they are able. You encourage them to freely give as they have freely received from God. You give them an opportunity to cultivate a spirit of generosity in their hearts. You give them a chance to invest in God's eternal kingdom. And if they respond, you get to see people change and become more like Christ right before your very eyes.

Jesus sacrificed everything in dying on the cross for us. He gave His life to see ours made new. He did not withhold anything but instead completely poured Himself out to save us from eternal separation from God. In His death, Jesus gave.

Every time you give, you display the gospel. Giving your time, money, gifts, and talents to another is a sacrifice that points to the cross. You sacrifice because Christ sacrificed. You give everything because Christ gave everything. You do not withhold because Christ did not withhold anything from you.

Yes, God has called me to collegiate ministry, and someday, I will be able to do that fully and completely. But as I continue to run the race towards full support, I realize that I have an additional calling, another incredibly important ministry.

God has called me to challenge His children to give. He has called me to encourage His people to live by faith and trust that He will honor their sacrifice. He has called me to remind His people that He is the Provider, and if they trust Him, He will meet all of their needs.

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"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:19

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You would think the Philippians would have written those words to Paul, but the opposite is true. Paul, the one who has needs and lives off the gifts of others, reminds the givers that God will supply their needs. We should always give, even beyond what we believe we are able, because God will provide more than we can ever ask or think. We need to give and discover that God always provides for His children. Always.

Every time I gain a new supporter, I won't rejoice in the gift. I am not near full support, and yet, each month, I have seen God provide for all of my needs. There is no joy in the gifts in of themselves.

Instead, every time I gain a new supporter, I will rejoice in the fruit being produced in that person's life. I will praise God that His people are becoming more like His Son. I will praise Him because genuine disciples of Jesus are being made.

I have already seen this happening in my support team.

The most profound support appointment I have had to date was with a woman from my church. I had no idea what her financial situation was, but I knew that she had kind and cheerful spirit. I chose to call her because she seemed like she would at least say yes to an appointment.

She agreed to meet with me, and as soon as we got talking, we couldn't stop. Our stories resonated with one another. We both grew up with strong Catholic backgrounds, both became believers at older ages, and both have huge hearts for young women to come to know the redeeming love of Christ.

I shared my testimony of coming to know the Lord while in college, and my calling to reach young women who are lost on campus just like I once was. It was then I noticed a shift in the mood of the room. I felt something in her heart start to change.

We reached a point where it was finally time for me to make the ask, to see if she would want to partner with me in the my ministry to lost women at ASU. And as I asked, tears started to pour down her face.

It was then that I learned that she was currently living off of disability, and recently, the money being sent to her had been dramatically reduced. She was living off the bare minimum to survive. In fact, she had just had to ask her parents pay for her electricity because the checks were not enough to cover all of her expenses.

"But I believe in what you are doing, Madison," she said, tears still welling up in her eyes. "I wonder how things would have been different for me if someone like you had been reaching out to me when I was in college. I know it's not much, but I would like to support you at $10 a month."

My heart broke. Here is a woman who has very little, but God's work in my life stirred her heart and challenged her to sacrificially give to see His kingdom come. I saw the fruit of her faith ripen in front of my very eyes. Seeing that fruit grow was the greatest gift I could have received.

This is why I raise support. I get to watch people grow before my very eyes. I get to watch as people step out in faith to give as I step out in faith to ask. I get to watch as disciples are born and made - both on campus and on my support team.

This is the ministry of support development: discipleship.

It is hard work, yes. But every time a soul gives their life to Christ, every time people choose God over sin, every time a person steps out in faith to give, every time fruit is produced, we are but one step closer to God's kingdom coming.

And I would say, that makes it all worth it.

Blessings,

Maddie

Discipline

If there was one word that has always described me, it would be procrastinator.

I was the kid in high school that would be scribbling away to finish an assignment minutes before the bell rang. I hated coming home to do more work after school, especially after three hour long water polo practices immediately after six hours of class. I would come home, eat, and shower, and by that time, it would already be close to 8pm. I was tired, and my bed was calling me from afar to sink into its pillows. I always told myself that I could just go to bed early and finish my work in the morning. So, I listened to my bed every night and drifted off to sleep, leaving the stress of piles of homework for when I woke up the next day.

I have lots of fond memories waking up at 4 in the morning to finish homework or driving to school early to sit in my car in the parking lot to finish annotating my AP Literature books. No one would ever believe that I was a straight A student by looking at my study habits. It was truly a miracle that I did so well.

I thrive under pressure. I need a time constraints in order to motivate myself to get something done. Just today, I had a paper due for one of my seminary classes. I just barely started it last night and ending up doing a majority of it today just hours before class.

Clearly, old habits die hard.

I've always known that I've struggled with putting things off to the last minute. Homework, cleaning my room, doing the dishes, emailing, responding to text messages, running errands. I'm guilty of putting almost nearly every unpleasant thing off for some amount of time. I've always simply called it procrastination, but God is beginning to reveal to me that a deeper issue is at work here.

Have you ever heard of the Marshmallow Experiment? If you haven't, take a moment and watch this video. If you have, take a moment and watch this video anyways because these kids will put a smile on your face.

So the test is this. You start with one marshmallow. You can choose to eat the marshmallow now, or you can wait fifteen minutes and get two marshmallows.

This may not seem that difficult to people over the age of 8, but for these young kids, this is hard. A sugary treat is very enticing, especially when there are no adults around to tell them not to eat it. They stare at it from every angle imaginable. They pick it up and play with it. They smell it and lick it. And sadly, for some, the marshmallow is just too good to look at, so they shove it in their mouths without a second thought.

This study done here explores the idea of delay of gratification. Some kids were able to postpone immediate pleasure of the one marshmallow for the greater reward of two marshmallows. Others were not so self-controlled. After following up with these kids as teenagers and young adults, this study found that the kids that were able to wait for the greater reward:

• had higher SAT scores,
• were better able to cope with stress, 
• were less likely to make impulsive decisions, 
• were less likely to have drug problems, 
• were less likely to get divorced, and 
• were less likely to be overweight.

It turns out the payoffs were greater than just earning an extra marshmallow.

We see this same principle applied in the Bible when Esau sells his birthright to his brother, Jacob.

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"Once when Jacob was cooking stew, Esau came in from the field, and he was exhausted. And Esau said to Jacob, 'Let me eat some of that red stew, for I am exhausted!' (Therefore his name was called Edom.) Jacob said, 'Sell me your birthright now.' Esau said, 'I am about to die; of what use is a birthright to me?' Jacob said, 'Swear to me now.' So he swore to him and sold his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew, and he ate and drank and rose and went his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright."

Genesis 25:29-34

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Esau was hungry. In his moment of weakness, the stew that was looming in front of him was more enticing than maintaining his firstborn status. God made a covenant with Abraham to redeem the whole world through him and his descendants, and as the firstborn, Esau was a natural heir to this promise. However, he gave up this greater future blessing in favor of the immediate gratification of filling his stomach.

The book of Hebrews further elaborates on Esau's poor decision:

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"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears."

Hebrews 12:15-17

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God calls Esau unholy in his actions. His inability to postpone immediate gratification was displeasing in the eyes of the Lord. Later, Esau wanted this blessing, but it was too late. God refused to give it to him because he had so carelessly given it up for food. Even though Esau mourned and wept for it to be given back to him, he was rejected. He missed out on the incredible blessing of being a part of God's plan for redeeming the world because his stomach was growling. 

Yikes. 

I wonder if I'm really so different than Esau. When I procrastinate on homework, I take the immediate reward of sleep, food, social media, Netflix, or hanging out with friends in favor of saving myself a lot of stress and being a good steward of my time. I always choose to reap the tangible benefits instead of choosing to honor God with my time and efforts. I wonder if I am missing out on a greater blessing that God wants to offer me because I'm always thinking of filling my stomach.

I don't think this just applies to procrastination either. How much do we miss when we choose to watch that episode of Lost instead of spending time in God's Word? How much do we miss when we choose to gossip and complain to our friends instead of taking our concerns to God in prayer? How much do we miss out when we choose to pursue a career that promises riches instead of submitting to God's purpose for our lives? How much do we miss out when we choose spiritual complacency over passionate pursuit of Christ?

Suddenly, we become the child holding the marshmallow. We lick it, smell it, and finally shove it in our mouths and give up the promise of a greater reward. But the greater reward in this case isn't as petty as a second marshmallow. We give up the reward of intimacy with our Father and the blessing of being able to be a part of His redemptive plans for the world.

That's a lot to give up, my friends.

Hebrews 12:11 says this, "For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."

In the moment, it is hard to give up our temptations in favor of being disciplined. God even says this resistance is painful. However, the temporary pain and struggle is worth it. It yields righteousness. It yields holiness. It yields peace. It yields deeper intimacy with God because we have to depend on His strength to resist our momentary temptations.

I would say these are much greater blessings, wouldn't you?

Discipline not only bears fruit. It also reminds us of a very important spiritual truth. It reminds us that God loves us.

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"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline 
or be weary of his reproof, 
for the LORD reproves whom he loves, 
as a father the son in whom he delights."

Proverbs 3:11-12
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God disciplines us because we are His children. He disciplines us because He wants better things for us than the things that we chase after. He wants to mold and shape our character to reflect Him more. He does this because it is what is best for us. He does this because He loves us.

I'm tired of choosing one marshmallow over two. I'm sick of filling my stomach in favor of God's blessings for me. I'm done lacking discipline and self-control. I want God's best for me, not my own fleeting desires.

Father, hear my prayer. Help me to be disciplined in all that I do. Help me to be obedient to your desires for my life. Help me to see that the pain is worth the reward.

I want Your best for me.

And the best is You, Jesus.

Blessings,

Maddie

Thoughts on Beauty

"Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

1 Peter 3:3-4

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I don't have a lot of sin issues that are out there for people to see. Yes, people often see that I struggle with gossiping and laziness among others. But my most deeply rooted struggles are hidden in my heart. A lot of my battles are fought on the inside.

I often fall prey to believing the lies of the enemy. He whispers thoughts into my mind that take root without me even realizing it. Before I know it, those lies have grown extensive roots that have made their way into my heart and poisoned it. Even though my head knows what has happened at this point, my heart struggles feebly to see past the lies that encompass it.

One such lie that I and many other women struggle with is regarding beauty.

I believe Satan loves to attack women with the lie that they are not beautiful because he is very jealous. He was once beautiful, and then he fell. Then God made woman in His likeness, to image His beauty, and the enemy hated that. I believe Satan is now on a desperate mission to make women believe his lies because he cannot have what God has given us.

I have seen these lies take so many forms.

The form that his lie takes for me is that my worth is dependent upon my appearance. 

I look different than other girls. I am bigger than I would like, and I don't like what I see in the mirror most days. I don't wear a lot of makeup, and I can't tame the mess I call hair. I like to wear t-shirts most days, and I couldn't put a cute outfit together for the life of me.

I am therefore not deserving of love. Since I don't dress nice or strive to be a particular size, then I am worth less than girls who do fit that mold. Nobody could ever love someone who looks like me. Nobody could ever care to look beyond my outer appearance to see who I am on the inside.

I know that this is a lie, but I often struggle to remember that it is one.

Just recently, I was having a conversation with a dear friend who I consider to be very attractive, and I'm sure most of the world would consider to be very attractive too. She left me dumbstruck when she told me that she hated the way she looked. 

"Maddie, the way I look is a curse."

A curse? Let's pause for a second. You're gorgeous, but you think you're cursed because of it?

This is her reply to me.

"I know that I'm attractive and that other people see that. But I hate it. I hate it so much. People only like me for what's on the outside. To them, I'm just a pretty girl. They never want to see me for who I am on the inside."

Ouch.

Here is a girl who wants the world to know that she is special on the inside. That she is smart. That she has thoughts and beliefs that demand to be shared. That she is kind and believes in the power of unconditional love. That she wants more out of life than the superficial. That she has big dreams.

But she feels that no one cares about those things. They only see what is pleasing to the eye. They only see her big brown eyes and long brown hair, her long legs, and her curves in all the right places. Everything that is screaming on the inside to be heard is muted by her appearance. No one cares to look beyond the outside to see the beauty that is dying to be cherished on the inside.

She knows that all of this is a lie, but she often struggles to remember that it is one.

These lies are different, but they have something in common.

Both believe that physical attractiveness is what defines their worth. They either believe that people won't love them because of the way that they look, or they believe that people won't love them for anything else but their looks.

Both are wrong.

Both are preoccupied with what man thinks, and we all know that what people think doesn't matter. Only God's opinion of us truly matters. It is only his thoughts toward us that give us our value, our worth, and our identity.

I'm tired of believing the lies. Let's look at the truth. Let's look at what God thinks about us.

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Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.

1 Samuel 16:7

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made [...] How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. 

Psalm 139:13, 14, 17, 18

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. 
Jeremiah 31:3

But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

See what kind of love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason that the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

1 John 3:1

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God loves you, my dear sister. His opinion of you is the highest. You are His creation. You are His daughter. He thinks about you all the time and delights in you. He sees your heart, your dreams, your passions, your deepest desires, and He loves you. It is because He sees your heart that to Him, you are so incredibly beautiful.

Jesus proved that you were worth something. He came to earth as a man and suffered through all of the things that we suffer through, but He did so without stumbling. He lived the life we could never live and died the death we all deserve.

Why?

What did He have to gain by dying on a cross?

What did He not have that He had to die in order to win?

You.

That's right, you.

Jesus had nothing to gain by being crucified, except you. 

Let that sink in. 

Jesus thought you were worth something. He thought you were worth exchanging His perfect life to redeem yours. To Him, you are precious. To Him, you are valuable. To Him, you are worth everything.

People are flawed, so their opinions carry little weight. Satan is a liar, so his lies are unfounded. And we are easily bought with his lies, so our opinion of ourselves is skewed.

But believe this truth: Jesus died to gain us. 

That matters.

That means something.

That gives us our worth.

That gives us our identity.

What Jesus did makes us beautiful. There is so much beauty in a story of redemption. That is who you are. You are redeemed, so believe that because of that, you are beautiful.

Blessings,

Maddie